This girl is more easily done than said...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
