6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
