bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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