Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
