32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
