what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
