Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
