I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
