Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
