dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
how drunk are you?
Several
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
