Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
