You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
