I accidentally had phone sex last night
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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