Princesses don't give blow jobs
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
