mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
