I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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