I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
