No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
