he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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