Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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