yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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