I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I came so hard my ears popped.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
