I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
