This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
