I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
