So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
