Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
