why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
