Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
