I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
