uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
