4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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