cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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