We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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