It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
