hotel room ftw
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The feeling are messing with the penis
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
