I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
