Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
