Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
