accomplished twins. life is a go
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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