Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
