After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
