Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
