So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize