maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This baby is an asshole
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
