Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Someone shit on the floor
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
