I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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