Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
