it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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