I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
