why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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