We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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